It seems as though my last couple of blogs have been on the cloudy side. My time here has been anything but overcast (you see what I did there?). I'm learning so much about myself. I've changed how I view acting and, basically, how to live life.
I live with over 30 people, and work with many more, who come from all walks of life. One of our Stage Managers used to own a bakery and has just recently started working in the theatre. Our playwright in residence, who wrote "Princess and the Pea" that we just closed a couple of weeks ago and wrote (based on the book) "Call of the Wild" that we'll be doing in the fall, used to be a lawyer in New York. The year between her college and her Playerdom, Rebekah (another year round with me) worked at the Pennsylvania Renaissance Fair and Lenscrafters. In addition to their main jobs--acting, directing, coaching, stage managing, costuming, painting, building, dancing--these people are song writers, artists, writers, designers, bone marrow givers, Muslims, Jews, Christians, jugglers, instrumentalists, parents, grand-parents, homosexuals, Pagans, spouses, and the list goes on and on.
It's amazing how rich lives can be. I've learned here to dedicate fully to what you are doing, live in the moment, and always do it with passion. Never pass an opportunity up and never allow yourself to regret. The situations and events in our lives when we feel that useless emotion--regret--are what shape us into living breathing human beings.
Experience new, different, scary, terrifying, mortifying things. Our Player Projects are great examples of this. In our showings, which is nearly a week away, we are all doing the most scariest things we could think of. Even though this is making all of us quake in our boots and we may still be struggling with our skills, everyone's going to clap and cheer, because we tried. We're taking a leap towards fear, and are being congratulated for it. I wish all artistic communities I'll ever be a part of will enable me to face unknowns with abandon.
I've always taken myself too seriously, always been worried how I would be perceived and nervous that I wouldn't be good enough. That I would disappoint. You will always disappoint if you don't cannon ball--or bellyflop--in and try with all of your might. I used to feel sorry for people who "failed;" now, I'm envious of them.
I'm trying my hand at writing. First, I want to start with song writing, and, eventually, write stories or plays. In the past, I've tried to write or draw but stopped because I was my toughest critic; it wasn't good enough. I want to be able to express myself without the regard of other people. I want to experiment with being vulnerable. I'll probably fail, but at least I know I attempted. I want to just do something and hope there is beauty and art in my effort.
Don't worry, I haven't become some flighty arteest who wears all black and cuts herself. I'm still my regular old self; I'm just cultivating and embracing fearlessness.
If you're reading this, I really appreciate it. At first I started blogging to let y'all know how things were going, but now, writing and reflecting is very therapeutic.
Also, I'm coming home in a little less than two weeks. I can't wait to see you all!
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